I was just there minding my business carrying life’s business, when my man said he’s got work to do in Nairobi in February and asked if I would love to come along. Why not? Kini eegun mi shey… This is my dream job- capturing the world and putting it on my phone. Now Kenya is not among the countries I have given much thought to regarding vacation, but I would say Yes in a heartbeat to anywhere if it means catching a flight.
Travelling the world is very dear to me. While to many people it is just vacationing, it is a job for me; a job that I take with utmost seriousness. You could tell from the way I plan for my trips, making sure not to miss any single detail; from the clothes, to the eyeglasses, to the earrings. Every single fashion item must be collectively telling my story.
Talking about fashion items, I do most of my shopping online. One, because I have no business going outside my house. Two, I could easily move between a thousand stores, in few seconds without breaking a leg. Three, I thought it was a cool idea to just snap your fingers and get your order delivered. Sadly, just like Solomon, the King, I have seen an evil under the sun and this right here, Almighty Instagram Vendors are D evils. Whose idea is payment before delivery? Before payment, what you will smell is politeness, promptness and professionalism. You will soon find out, that not everything you smell is tasty. To be fair, with too much “MAs” in the air, you are bound to be sold.
“Thank you ma for your interest in our product.” (Your product? Let’s not even start)
“Please ma, note that payment validates order. Item can be sold if payment delays for 5 minutes. Kindly reconfirm availability before proceeding ma.” (Anddd this is the bait. That dress is not getting sold any sooner than Christ’s coming)
MA’AM, PLEASE, KINDLY, FAVOURABLY, note that our delivery timeline is 3 to 5 business days (When it goes like that, just go on with your life: get married, start a new company, go to your grandson’s graduation party, put your house in order.)
“Before proceeding, kindly refer to our T&C ma.” (That will not be necessary, no one can miss the warning sign at the door.)
It is 10 business days since, enough for a road construction to be done in Nigeria and you ain’t seen nothing. You reached out— Sure you would. Whose money is gone? Yours. So It is you who will do the reaching out.
“Hello, Good morning” “I have not received my order yet, it is 15 working days since I paid.”
*Radio silence*
“Hello oooo. Are you there???”
Then you waited till evening, hoping by then you would have gotten a response. You kept refreshing your Instagram page, wondering why she hasn't seen your text when you can see the green dot on her page saying “active now.” Oh, they can read a full text from pop-ups now, Meta boy keeps helping them. “But when I first texted her…” I know, she was quick to respond to your “Hello, is this available please?” and you happily whispered “Promptness!”
After 48 hours of no response, you became desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures. You try to hit the IG call button. “It is not there! How come?” Hidden, disabled. Then you call the “Calls only” number in the bio, switched off! Now you are furious. No response on WhatsApp too. “Have I been scammed?” You wondered. So you wait for another day to try your luck, this time you went ballistic with the epistle, then you erased it all, scared you might get blocked. Then you played the pity card “…this is unfair to a first-time customer…” and somehow luck shined on you.
“Kindly wait for your delivery batch.” Full Stop. No apologies, no explanation. And definitely you have used up your “MAs” at this point.
“But you said 3 to 5 business days, it's a month now. Can I send for pick up? I need it for this weekend.” Truthfully, your flight leaves on the Saturday, 6:00pm.
“Pick ups are strictly on appointments. We don't work on weekends.” Maintaining professionalism.😉
“What are you even saying? You delayed my package for this long and you cannot even extend grace this once?? You typed, trying to change it for her, a wrong move that you quickly realised. “I don't mind forfeiting my delivery fare. I will pay for the pickup. I am traveling this weekend please.” You begged.
“Please, stay patient for your order delivery. Thank you.” Courrrrt!!!
At this point, you didn't need anyone to spell it out for you. With the “thank you”, it was pretty clear that the conversation was over. There is nothing else to do. I’d say you are at least in luck to have gotten a response at all. If you have an extra cash to spend, breeze in into the next store you can see. You might not see everything you wanted but you will not be leaving without your order.
Yeah, what was I saying again? Oh yes, my trip to Kenya. Apologies, I guess I have not yet gotten over the issue. Don’t blame me, my order arrived just yesterday, the container probably just landed. *Sighs* I am guessing the story about my stay in Nairobi will have to wait till another day, yes? Thank you.
This was such a beautiful read. Very relatable. 🤣🤣😊
Nice write up❤️There needs to be a way to bridge this gap of pay on and pay after delivery…